Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
