remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
