Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
