I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
