they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Randomize
