I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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