hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize