He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
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Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
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I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
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