Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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