While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
