just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.