i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
