I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
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Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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