i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."