Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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