Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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