Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
