"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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