Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In other news, I just burned my penis
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
