yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
