feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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