Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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