A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
