Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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