you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
