so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
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