They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
