Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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