last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
