ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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