i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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