also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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