you guys were way drunker than both of me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
