Already got asked if we're dating
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
