so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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