Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
