I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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