Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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