Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
