just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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