NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
