if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
