Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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