i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
