Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
