Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
