I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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