I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
