Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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