Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.