My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
