is your mom at the bar?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball