Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm half single.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Please tell me it's the bottom half.

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  (617): I'm half single. (773): Please tell me it's the bottom half. http://tfl.nu/3fsx
  Replies (3) Good night (2348) Bad night (556)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!

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  (610): Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming! http://tfl.nu/wucs
  Replies (9) Good night (2954) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."

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  (801): What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director." http://tfl.nu/kql1
  Replies (7) Good night (891) Bad night (3810)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time

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  (270): There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time http://tfl.nu/e9de
  Replies (12) Good night (873) Bad night (5956)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.

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  (410): Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP. http://tfl.nu/xvnv
  Replies (4) Good night (4190) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.

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  (914): I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed. http://tfl.nu/j5xb
  Replies (6) Good night (1425) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!

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  (718): He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!! http://tfl.nu/xa33
  Replies (7) Good night (2676) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men

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  (315): Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men http://tfl.nu/a6p1
  Replies (4) Good night (1115) Bad night (493)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited

  (951): View more from California

  dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles

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  (951): omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited (951): dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles http://tfl.nu/4z6p
  Replies (7) Good night (1423) Bad night (634)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  I will rub McFlurries all over you.

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  (612): That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved. (1-612): I will rub McFlurries all over you. http://tfl.nu/lnlf
  Replies (8) Good night (1580) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.

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  (307): Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex. http://tfl.nu/mrat
  Replies (7) Good night (1777) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.

  (806): View more from Texas

  That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.

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  (405): I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety. (806): That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you. http://tfl.nu/ztvc
  Replies (8) Good night (838) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.

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  (469): The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us. http://tfl.nu/te9o
  Replies (3) Good night (695) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...

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  (516): I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you... http://tfl.nu/3b4d
  Replies (2) Good night (929) Bad night (244)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He keeps bees of course he's weird

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  (248): He keeps bees of course he's weird http://tfl.nu/iaag
  Replies (6) Good night (440) Bad night (265)

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