Texts From Last Night

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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.

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  (301): Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/igis
  Replies (6) Good night (1544) Bad night (562)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.

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  (770): Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on. http://tfl.nu/h5b5
  Replies (38) Good night (1010) Bad night (5049)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.

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  (810): She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance. http://tfl.nu/vgvp
  Replies (69) Good night (9117) Bad night (945)
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  (818): View more from California

  Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.

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  (818): Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse. http://tfl.nu/0n19
  Replies (18) Good night (3520) Bad night (1038)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.

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  (612): I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot. http://tfl.nu/k764
  Replies (3) Good night (1971) Bad night (562)
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  (646): View more from New York

  This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie

  (347): View more from New York

  It's not

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  (646): This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie (347): It's not http://tfl.nu/v5wf
  Replies (4) Good night (2228) Bad night (768)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..

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  (719): U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am.. http://tfl.nu/svag
  Replies (12) Good night (1478) Bad night (713)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi

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  (210): please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi http://tfl.nu/ocwi
  Replies (3) Good night (1302) Bad night (555)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.

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  (778): Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact. http://tfl.nu/nx0r
  Replies (3) Good night (544) Bad night (1134)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.

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  (814): He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice. http://tfl.nu/r5ev
  Replies (10) Good night (669) Bad night (1330)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  soon, soon....

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....

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  (732): soon, soon.... (908): I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus..... http://tfl.nu/hpc3
  Replies (4) Good night (1005) Bad night (663)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.

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  (407): If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/rq3w
  Replies (3) Good night (731) Bad night (391)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.

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  (219): You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp. http://tfl.nu/j9dr
  Replies (2) Good night (631) Bad night (268)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.

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  (314): I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel. http://tfl.nu/ipcm
  Replies (0) Good night (560) Bad night (414)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?

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  (+44): is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat? http://tfl.nu/tpug
  Replies (3) Good night (405) Bad night (154)

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