I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
