I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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