Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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