I can feel you judging me through the phone.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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