i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
