It's a beautiful day for a hangover
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
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I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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