btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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