Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
