1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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