the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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