If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
