you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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