but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
