apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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