So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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