Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize