he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
