And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
