I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
