hotel room ftw
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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