i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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